Ah Lian ask shopkeeper: Eh Ah chek, u got sell stocking up to knee, boh?
Ah Chek : Lu siao ah! stocking wear up to 'yeo' (waist) only, where got up to the 'nee'(breast) one.
TRADITIONAL CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment and high bovine productivity.
INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
SINGAPOREAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
One cow-peh and one cow-bu.
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affai
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
LONGEVITY STATISTICS
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Question: Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?
Answer: Because they are...
Question: What did God say after he created man?
Answer: I can do better than this! And then he created woman!
Question: What's the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO?
Answer: I don't know, I've never seen either.
Question: Why do men like smart women?
Answer: Opposites attract.
HAHAHA. superbly dumb doctors.
actual writings on doctors' reports.
1. The patient is tearing and crying constantly, she also appears to be depressed.
2. Discharged status: Alive but without my permission.
3. The patient refused autopsy.
4. She is numb from her toes down.
5. The skin was moist and dry.
6. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
7. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
8. The lab test indicated abnormal LOVER function. (wtf -.-)
Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight lectures" abit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that had been heard or reported.
Pilot - "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land ... it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."
"As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
"Last one off the plane must clean it."
And from the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry ...Unfortunately none of them are on this flight...!
Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
The old man was a witness in a burglary trial. The defense lawyer asks Sam,
"Did you see my client commit this burglary?"
"Yes," said Sam , "I saw him plainly take the goods."
The lawyer asks Sam again, "Sam, this happened at night. Are you sure you saw my client commit this crime?"
"Yes" says Sam, "I saw him do it."
Then the lawyer asks Sam, "Sam listen, you are 80 years old and your eyesight probably is bad. Just how far can you see at night?"
Sam says, "I can see the moon, how far is that?"
I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'
He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?''Nah, she can order for herself.'
This was an actual conversation over the phone between my friend(F) and a hospital staff(H).
F: Hello, I would like to check the location of my friend.H: May I have the name please?
F: Yea, April.H: Surname please?
F: Fu, April Fu.H: April Fool?
F: Yea, April Fu.H: Uh, are you joking with me?
F: No I am not!H: Ok...Is it spelt F-O-O?
F: NO! F-U!
(HAHAHA! F, U. LOLS.)
有一天，老师带一群小朋友到山上采水果， 他宣布说: “小朋友，采完水果后，我们一起洗，洗完可以一起吃。”
所有小朋友都跑去采水果了。
集合时间一到，所有小朋友都集合了。
老师: “小华，你采到什么？”
小华: “我在洗苹果，因为我采到苹果。”
老师: “小美你呢？”
小美: “我在洗蕃茄，因为我采到蕃茄。”
老师: “小朋友都很棒哦！那阿明你呢？”
明: “我在洗布鞋，因为我踩到大便。”
Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one.
He screams, "I slept with your mother!"
The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do.
The first again yells, "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!"
The other says, "Go home dad you're drunk."
